32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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