We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
