oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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