Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
