Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
