He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
