So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
