piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
