pedialite and red bull = repair kit
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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