The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
