Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
