What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
