I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
