Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
