My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
