Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
