You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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