hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
