I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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