my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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