Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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