Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
