Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
