i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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