A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
