she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
