he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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