Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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