You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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