But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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