Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
