The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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