I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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