I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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