Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
