i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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