i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
