Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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