I think my vagina is haunted
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
