I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
