I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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