we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think your dad took our porno
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
