Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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