what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
