She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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