it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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