I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
