Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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