So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
