She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
