and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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