Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
