I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
