mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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