you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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