and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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