Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
