Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
