i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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