I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
