i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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